After a preseason that was as thick and long as Ron Jeremy, we are finally back into the footy! Yes! And with a new season comes a whole new bunch of injuries and re-used jokes (Exhibit A – Ron Jeremy, I didn’t even make it through the first sentence oy yoi yoi. It’s gonna be a lonnnnng year) Midweek madness will start from next week, and i’m not going to report on existing injuries this week – because im very very lazy, and really by now, you should know this.

Tigers vs Blues

The big injury out of this one, of course, was to Jerry Seinfeld, as Newman became the favourite son of fantasy coaches across australia.

Apart from this, some guy by the name of Alex… Axle? Rants?. Alex Rance? Went down with the first ACL of the season. Like the boy who cried wolf, no one thought it was anything serious, however it later was revealed to NOT be a dive.

  • Prognosis – Season
  • Relevant Waiver – Hold for now. Richmond have a bunch of options, though none are really fantasy friendly, and neither is the role.
What looked to be a perfect dismount…

Cats vs Pies

It’s always a good feeling to beat the pies. It’s an even BETTER feeling when you do it with a bunch of noobs, at the MCG, when the Pies are largely full strength. Take that Fizz – you bloody hack.

Lowkey this actually looks like Fizz

The only concern coming out of this one was Harry Taylor copped a stray elbow to the face, but seemed to shrug it off, and should be right next week.

Demons vs Power

Jordan Lewis was a late withdrawal with a spot of hammy awareness, and while he was “replaced” by Mr. Sparrow (Pirates of the Carribean jokes etc etc.), all the possessions went the way of Christian Salem, who will need a new pair of boots every week if he keeps that up.

  • Prognosis – 1-2 weeks
  • Relevant Waiver – No waiver

Todd Marshall is likely to miss next week, suffering concussion in the last quarter in a head clash.

  • Prognosis – 1 week
  • Relevant Waiver – There’s a couple of lads in the two’s ready to return; Hartlett likely in a reshuffle. No relevant waiver.

Crows vs Hawks

Tom Doedee. First things first – I really have no idea how a name with this spelling could be pronounced Doo-Day. Don’t you trick me. You tricky little bugger. Really though it won’t be an issue until 2020, as he too went down with an ACL early in the game.

  • Prognosis – Season
  • Relevant Waiver – Not exactly known as a key defender, but may be used for his height – Reilly O’Brien may get the call up. Don’t bother though.

Dick Douglas takes the award for potential first Syndy of the year! Looks like a Syndesmosis was suffered late in the game, and whilst he returned with it strapped for a little, I would expect them to be cautious with him.

  • Prognosis – 2-4 weeks
  • Relevant Waiver – Expect Seeds to come straight back in if he is right to go.

The Hawks had a few issues, Jaeger and Big Boi getting their heads strapped for bleeding, and Sheils dislocated a finger. None are expected to miss.

Dogs vs Swans

The only injury here was to everyone that overreacted about the Thor jersey. As it made absolutely no difference, and they were just paying tribute to the thunder god, who was in attendance. And it obviously worked, they won!

He’s the god of F’N thunder/Raiden. A jumper is the LEAST you could do.

Otherwise both teams escaped with a clean bill of health. I love saying the teams escaped. Sounds so exciting. Like Indiana Jones running away from the rock or whatever. Woosh!

Lions vs Eagles

Jack Darling received a corkie in the final quarter. He returned to the ground but spent a decent part of the remaining time on the bench.

  • Prognosis – No issue
  • Relevant Waiver – No waiver

Suns vs Saints

Surprisingly not the worst game of the round. 2019 is really freaking me out.

“would you say it’s time for our viewers to crack each other’s heads open and feast on the goo inside?”

Ben Ainsworth injured his knee when Jimmy Webster fell awkwardly across it. He got it strapped and played out the rest of the game, but I would keep an eye on this one – he didn’t look at all comfortable.

  • Prognosis – 2-4 weeks – though I won’t be surprised if scans reveal this to be much much worse.
  • Relevant Waiver – It’s Gold Coast… you can’t be that desperate right?

David Swallow has a pretty awful injury history, especially when it comes to his knees. He spent large portions of the game playing out of the goal square, looking pretty proppy. Keep an eye on it.

  • Prognosis – Keep an eye on it…
  • Relevant Waiver – As above, ya bloody scamps.

GWS vs [Team Missing]


Lachie Keeffe’s day looked over when he limped from the ground with a left knee injury in the opening term, but given they didn’t have any opposition, they decided to throw him forward where he kicked about a billion goals. Or whatever. Keep an eye on him as he may miss… though he shouldn’t really be in a team.

  • Prognosis – 1-2 weeks
  • Relevant Waiver – GWS are going to be making space for some bangers in the next week or so, with Josh Kelly and Callan Ward to come back in. I don’t expect this injury to keep Lachie out of the team for long, and as a key post, him or his replacement aren’t fantasy friendly anyway.

I have a bit of a confession. I paid the Perryman before he took me to the otherside. That’s right, the poor lad carried us about ¼ of the way and then spectacularly drowned. Waiting to hear a bit more on this shoulder injury suffered after a massive bump. Expecting the worst – that I wont be able to get my money back.

  • Prognosis – 3-6 weeks
  • Relevant Waiver – As above – Ward and Kelly will be looking to return. Potentially Hoppers stocks rising, though he should be sitting on a bench somewhere already.

Roos vs Dockers

Ed Vickers-Willis really can’t get a good run at it (a bit… pUNintentional) suffering an ACL injury. If these trends continue, we’re going to be able to field an All Australian ACL Team by the end of the year. Genuinely hope it isn’t a sign of things to come, as my fingers can only type so much.

  • Prognosis – Season
  • Relevant Waiver – Scott Thompson will likely slot back in – not a waiver option

Hayden Ballantyne suffered a hamstring injury and will be having scans on it today to determine the severity. Though I am going to do my best Tom Browne and say…

  • Prognosis – Probably a high grade ACL/Syndy with a side of Lisfranc. 2-4 weekz
  • Relevant Waiver – Not a small forward replacement, but I really liked the Taberner. He was great last year until he was injured, and it looks like he is starting the year in the same way. You could do worse.