Geez it feels SO GOOD to be back writing the injury report again after taking a sabbatical last week, getting myself sorted at the Betty Ford Clinic.

I’m checkin in… ((he’s checkin in!))

More than anything though, i’m just glad that I can play super hero, preventing you, the weekly reader, from falling asleep while reading Jono’s fill-in article. Legit had to have someone tell me he roasted me in the opening paragraph because I fell asleep before I got to the banter. I’m basically an Avenger. #omgENDGAME

Tigers vs Demons

When going back to do my research in writing this article, I completely forgot this game happened. Was the equivalent of a straight to VHS movie.

After just making his way back from a hand injury, JRoo was forced from the field with a knee injury. Scans have since confirmed that there is a high grade PCL strain there, however the So far they aren’t looking to go the surgical route, however the risk is that you get partially through the recovery and you realise surgery is the only option, especially for someone of Jack’s vintage.

  • Prognosis – 8 weeks
  • Relevant waiver – Mav “Eye’s too close together” Weller to return

Speaking of JRoo’s knee injury, Tom Browne. was sensationally slapped down by JRoo after falsely reporting on the status of his knee injury. I think it was a deep cut. Like rly deep. For those that haven’t seen it, get over to twitter and check it out.

  • Relevant waiver – Literally any other journalist at this point. Hell i’m not even qualified (obviously) and i’d do a better job.

Jack Viney copped an AC joint injury when Sydney Stack bumped him into next year. The Demons will try to bubble wrap him for the rest of the season it seems, rather than go the surgery route. Either way I would expect his output to drop when he plays.

  • Prognosis – 2weeks (may blow out to 10 if he undergoes surgery)
  • Relevant waiver – Tough times down at Melbourne with no one demanding a recall from the two’s, and no one ready to come back from injury.

Pies vs Bombers

This one certainly had some feeling. But a different kind of feeling. A slow and sensual thing. Barry White was on hand to make sure all the snakes were left alone.

My darlin’ I…

Devon Smith injured his OTHER knee. Smith had spent the prior week on the sidelines due to a knee complaint, but looked proppy on his other knee. Scans have since revealed no issue, however I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Don’s give him another week to recover. Still a long season ahead.

  • Prognosis – 1 week
  • Relevant waiver – Kyle Langford is still battling in the two’s, but may come into contention if Devon is to miss. If he is named, pick him up – he may hold his spot

Mason Cox looked proppy in the fourth quarter after taking a knock to his knee. They have an 8 day turn around which should give him enough time to heal

  • Prognosis – no issue
  • Relevant waiver – no one

Power vs Roos

Everyone (me) thought that Robbie Gray was just having one of his down days, doing his best Nathan Brown impersonation. Turns out he actually broke his hand.

  • Prognosis – 4-6 weeks
  • Relevant waiver – Jack Trengrove (gasp!) or Motlop (sigh) to get the call up

Brad Ebert copped a spinning elbow from Ben Cunnington, which is actually a really hard move to pull off (in UFC 3 on Xbox), and left the ground in a very groggy state. Keep an eye on this – he looked in all sorts on the bench and I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some delayed concussion symptoms.

  • Prognosis – Keep an eye on it
  • Relevant waiver – no one

Shaun Higgins was a late out for the Kanga’s, with channel 7 reporting “the game-winner suffered illness and was taken to hospital.” This is another case of fake news from the journalists; you can’t be a game-winner if your team doesn’t win any games.

  • Prognosis – no issue
  • Relevant waiver – no one

Suns vs Lions

He went after my boy GHS, but Luke Hodge was quickly sat down by Pearce Hanley. He was pretty groggy, but he should be right for next week.

  • Prognosis – no issue
  • Relevant waiver – no one

Side note – can I boo this match? Not sure we are allowed to boo anymore. Maybe a scowl instead, or like… A cat hiss. Yeh that’s much better.

Why is ANYONE a cat person. Steve?

Saints vs Crows

Bryce Gibblett and Rowan Marshall were ruled out, apparently having shared the same rabbit and brie tartine as Shaun Higgins.

  • Prognosis – fully sick – no issue
  • Relevant waiver – Gibbs will take his spot back next week. Rowan should, as Longer wasn’t exactly great
Wait… someone actually put this in their face-hole?

Hyper-EXTENSION (said in the voice of any arcade racer time extension ever. Preferably Cruisin USA) of the knee ended Jack Lonie’s night, and looks set to sideline him for a few weeks to come. Scans have cleared him of structural damage, though it will still take some time.

  • Prognosis – 6-8 weeks
  • Relevant waiver – Hunter Clark, Ammo, or Nick Hind to come in. Nick Hind would be most likely as he has been crushing it in the twos.

Swans vs Giants

Battle of the bridge is the worst name for a game of all time. The bridge is exclusively relevant to the Swans. May as well call it battle for Northbourne Avenue.

Lachie Whitfield would have cost a few coaches the win this week, after he was initially tagged, and then copped a corked thigh in the second quarter. He played the remainder of the game as a deep forward, but looked pretty sore the whole game. After hearing about what has happened to Geary after his severe corky – ya just never know, so i’m going to play it pretty conservative.

  • Prognosis – 1 week
  • Relevant waiver – Toby Greene could see an increased midfield load next week, otherwise all the relevant GWS are likely taken. Maybe Tomlinson if you’re struggling for a final mid. Harry Perryman also worth a look as he has recovered from his punctured lung.

Dogs vs Freo

Both teams have reported no injuries – but I would keep an eye on Lachie Hunter. He left the field early in the game after giving chase to Brad Hill with what looked like a dead arm, then later had a massive collision to the same shoulder, and again left the ground.

  • Prognosis – Keep an eye on it
  • Relevant waiver – no one… yet

Hawks vs Blues

Well, another game goes by and not a single injury of note.

Yep. None at all.

Nothing to see here

Nope. Nothin. Nada. wait…

OMG KADE SIMPSON INJURED HIS HAMMY. Reports are scarce at the moment, Tom Browne’s sources are still waiting to get back to him with their predictions of the future. But because i’m ya boi, I got ya covered. Expect Carlton to play it safe with a legend of Kade’s vintage. Expecting it to be minor, but to take longer to heal.

  • Prognosis – 3-5 weeks
  • Relevant waiver – Would think they will replace Kade with Tom Williamson or Hugh Goddard.

OMG NICK NEWMAN INJURED HIS KNEE. The word “jarred” is being thrown around from every source i’ve got which means no one really knows what is going on. Best I get is that it shouldn’t be more than a couple of weeks.

  • Prognosis – 1-2 weeks
  • Relevant waiver – As above

Cats vs Eagles

Although Tom Stewart almost ripped Liam Ryan’s head off, both teams came away without any injuries. That is of course, unless you count West Coast’s premiership defence.