Hello and welcome to an absolutely regulation injury report. The backlash from last weeks’ haiku edition has been swift, and the writer has been sacked. Unfortunately for The Draft Doctors, he’s the only guy that wants to write about it, and so he is back! and by he, I mean me! Suckers.

Eagles vs Demons

This game had more knockouts than the Victoria Secret Fashion Show.

Daniel Venables was KTFO.

  • Prognosis – 1 week
  • Waiver – Would think Waterman or Ainsworth get the nod from the two’s

Tim Smith, Alex Neal-bullshit and Christian Salem all were listed KTFO in different incidents, and would think they will all miss a week.

  • Prognosis – 1 week
  • Waiver – Jordan Lewis will likely come in, and a reshuffle will occur to cover for Tim Smith, whilst Corey Wagner and Maynard will both be in contention. Would hope they aren’t crazy enough to bring Lever in after only limited minutes in the VFL. Don’t be surprised if Salem get’s up to play.

Pies vs Saints

The Pies lost a couple of guns before the game, with JDG and Darcy Moore being ruled out with shin and ankle injuries respectively. Both are expected to get up next week.

Tom Langdon had a knee issue in the first quarter, and after attempting to run on the sidelines, was unable to return to the field. He’ll need to be assessed for structural damage early in the week.

  • Prognosis – 1-2 weeks
  • Waiver – Mason Cox will come back into the side, and we might see Ben Reid moved to the backline. Keep an eye on it, because he can score pretty well from there.

Lions vs Crows

The first mention on this list for The Statesman. He suffered a concussion after his head grew so fucking large from gloating about Brad Crouch scoring better without Matt, that he fell down and bumped his head. Should be fine, his second head was unharmed.

  • Prognosis – No issue
  • Waiver – No waiver

Neither side had any serious injuries, with Luke Hodge complaining of a tight calf, and was subsequently given the week off back to his old folks home. The only other mention was a massive collision between Kyle Hartigan and Alex Keath, but neither are expected to miss any time.

Cats vs Dogs

Rhys Stanley was a late withdrawal due to an adductor issue. Apparently he had no idea how it even happened; he just kind of woke up with it. That’s usually a pretty good sign, and I would expect him to play next week.

Patrick Dangerfield is becoming the most frustrating person to own in 2019. They need to just put him in some god damn cotton wool. He’s tough as nails, but I really would like to see him have a week off, after aggravating the same ankle he rolled two weeks ago.

  • Prognosis – 1-2 weeks
  • Waiver – Tom Atkins will come back in, after being ruled out this week.

Matt Suckling looked pretty sore at points throughout the match, getting his calf/achilles worked on. Keep an eye on it – because we know the types of benefits guys like Daniel, JJ and Crozier see when he is out of the team!

Bombers vs Dockers

Both sides came away with no injuries from this one, and from what I can tell, Connor Blakely is approaching his all time consecutive game record, as he should play his second game in a row next week.

Roos vs Swans

Generic Henchman 2 Zac Jones did his best Frank Costanza by pulling up short. He made his way to the bench where he had ice applied to what looks to be a pretty nasty Hammy Whomp.

  • Prognosis – 5-7 weeks
  • Waiver – Ryan Clarke could see extended minutes, and Dos could finally be validated. I’ll be grabbing him off my waiver for a bench Def spot.

Power vs Suns

Big man Jarrod Witts took a knock to his hand early, but has been left off all injury lists and reports so far. Looks like he’ll be ok.

Tigers vs Hawks

SYNDYYYYYYY. Big Boi has been struck by the dreaded syndy, after twisting his ankle early in the game.

  • Prognosis – 4-6 weeks
  • Waiver – Get on Ceglar. Has the DPP, and dropped 100 in Big Boi’s absence.

Mitch Lewis got concussed which is likely going to open the door to the last chance saloon for…

  • Prognosis – 1 week
  • Waiver – Jordan Roughead – though i’d still only be looking at Ceglar.

Giants vs Blues

The soft tissue injury that no one is surprised about, Zac Williams whomped a hammy. He is surprisingly listed as test so it clearly isn’t as bad as once thought.

  • Prognosis – 1 week
  • Waiver – IF he misses, Cogs comes straight back in. No real relevant waiver

Marc Murphy has been quietly going about his business this year, but old mate 10 sausage mummy wasn’t going to have a bloody bar of it. Crushed his puny ribs like the monster he is.

  • Prognosis – 5 weeks
  • Waiver – Matt Kennedy might get a run. I just don’t think I can trust him after so many false starts.