Here at the Draft Doctors, we take ourselves seriously, damnit.
We’ve spent our summer cranking out endless content to fill the void left in between the trade period and pre-season. For the seasoned veterans at DD, this is what they do best. There’s a podcast every week, all throughout the off season. Add on the Mock Draft Simulator, The 2020 Draft Kit, and our work with Fox Footy; for me? it’s enough to make me ‘something something’…
Join me on the supper fun happy slide into madness, where we revel in one of the 20th centuries best television shows (and one of the 21st centuries most enduring corpses), as we use The Simpsons (and the website Frinkiac) to help provide you with some insights and stupid observations for each team. The insights are cursed.
Adelaide
After the Grand Final loss in 2017, the Crows went on a camp that turned into a bit of a fiasco (sources say they had rocks that kept tigers away), Adelaide are finally beginning the rebuild. It’s started with an exodus of players, who had the following to say.
Brisbane
A successful breakout year has the Lions poised to challenge for a flag in 2020. Hodge goes out, Birchall goes in.
Carlton
Surely they’re looking at Brisbane and thinking that could be them? They’re in quite a hole, but with Sam Docherty coming back alongside some exciting youngsters, they’re ready to break out. But how?
Collingwood
Looking good, and like a true team that’s #1 for fantasy, they locked up Brodie Grundy. Now they focus on winning a premiership, and maybe getting De Goey back on board, as he enters a contract year and just split from his manager.
Essendon
Everyone is injured. Half the team is on a limited pre-season, Conor McKenna has gone back to Ireland for a bit, and Tippa may have a done a slight calf.
Quite the Crisetunity!
Fremantle
Serious things are going down at Fremantle with new coach Justin Longmuir taking over. There’s some issues for Freo, but they’ve moved on from Ross Lyon and his controversies at least.
Geelong
Tim Kelly has left, leaving space for the Cats midfield guns to hopefully get some form back, while the forward line has added another couple of players around 30 years old to pitch in with Gary Ablett.
Gold Coast
Twelfth season’s the charm, right? Stevie Fizz will hope so as the Suns will want to grow this year after another round of bolstering the youth stocks, and bringing in a couple of other clubs second rate blondies in Ellis and Greenwood. They just need Stewie Dew to instill a hunger in them.
Greater Western Sydney
GWS and their supposed terrible midfield made a big big sound in 2019, until the Grand Final came and all they could manage was a wet fart. One of these years they’ll stay healthy and roll through the comp. Surely.
Hawthorn
A middling year for the once dominant Hawks. With Clarko still at the helm, they don’t look like bottoming out, but it will be difficult to see them jumping too high up. So we just want Jaeger and Tom Mitchell out there for our fantasy teams.
Melbourne
Melbourne must be due to bounce back. Why else would they make a documentary called “To Hell and Back“? It’s not like the Demons marketing team to go early… Unless you count the ‘we made Finals’ emails sent in 2017.
As a Melbourne fan, you’d think they’re setting the team up for another depressing season.
North Melbourne
I mean, Sideshow Bob plays for them, so that’s something.
Rhyce Shaw takes over from Brad Scott, hopefully meaning we’re due for a new look North Melbourne. I can’t imagine Brad’s exit meeting went too well.
But if he goes to Geelong… “I’m seeing double here. 4 Scotts!”
Port Adelaide
Port.. uhhh ..Max Power.
What a great name!
Though apart from Dan Houston’s midfield move, the biggest news out of the Power is whether or not they’ll be able to play their beloved game in Shanghai.
Richmond
Struggling to find an identity, Tom J. Lynch had to return to his home state of Victoria to better learn about himself. The handsome one found out some really critical information.
Home to Dylan Grimes, or as he likes to be called, ‘Grimey’
St Kilda
A big shuffle up at Moorabbin has the new-look Saints looking like they could be anything, or go anywhere.
Dan Han will be hoping to join in with the new recruits, hoping to play more than the 5 games he managed last year. Safe to say it wasn’t the most rewarding season of his career.
Sydney
Sydney feels like it’s getting a little stability after coming off it’s high perch of finals seasons, missing last year.
Though it was probably a rough off-season for Papley after he failed to get to Carlton. Imagine that was an awkward return.
West Coast
Under investigation from ASADA for tampering with a sample during a routine drug test, Willie Rioli has a possible ban of 4 years on the line, so for your draft:
Western Bulldogs
The dog’s condition has been upgraded from stable to frisky. They’re ready to go. Just for the love of god, Bevo, play the gun mids in the midfield.
But hey, I think Luke knows what’s on the line if he starts throwing the magnets around again…
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some serious thinking to do.
very good stuff